Cosmic Reward (22) - fear won't hold me back

Apr 4 Aft

Father, really got to handle the pain body of abandonment. At least now I knew why I was so unwilling for romantic relationship.
From today onward, I will no longer be held back by my pain body. I am freed. Thanks to Z.

Father, tot of my role in Isha, it seems to be the platform for me to practice public speaking.

1. Issue
Possibilities
Mind can accept any boundary anywhere. Existence cannot have boundary.
The eagle has an overview of all the possibilities contained in the landscape below, as he flies freely, naturally and effortlessly through the sky. He is really in his domain, very grand and self-contained.
You are like the eagle, where a world of possibilities are open to u. U have grown more loving towards urself, more self-contained, u can work easily with others. Because u r in tune with ur nature u understand that existence is providing u with exactly what u need. Enjoy the flight.

Soul
Hope so. But one thing I decided is not to be hooked with the pain body of abandonment.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority, disappears.
Then u r, u r simply there.
The way to find out who u r, is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.

Soul
Well, I know I cannot compare my rship with Z with others. We r both thinkers, and both also not willing to place the other first.

3. External influence of which u r aware
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. U deceive him and he trust u, and u deceive and he trust u again. U will say he is a fool, he does not learn.
Go on dying to the past so u remain in the present, herenow, as if just born, just a babe.
And each time u don't allow situations to corrupt u, that opportunity will become an integration inside. Ur soul will become crystallised.
At this moment, the Fool has the support of the universe to make his jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life.
Trust ur intuition and ur feeling of 'rightness' of things, u cannot go wrong. Ur action may appear foolish to u and other, if u try to analyse with the rational mind. Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.

Soul
Well, I am taking my chance again and again with Z. He has not been putting me in his priority list nor make me feel lovable. But I want him and he is a good man. He is also patient with me and we enjoy our open and honest communication.

Frankly not sure where we r heading but I just want to enjoy myself.

4. What is needed
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by society.

Soul
Well, my response to Z is unlike anything I ever tot I could be. I really want to take our intimacy to the next level. I want to see who can I be.
My mind is telling me that I am not ready, he is not ready and all its drama. But I am ready and I want to take the plunge. I want to see who I can be. I am looking forward to it.

5. Resolution
Politics
The mind dominates u by making u weak, make u guilty, feel unworthy.

Soul
I take this as the indecisiveness in taking the plunge. Well, I am ready and I trust him.