Cosmic Lesson - uncertainty

Apr 2
Father, mind is acting again. First tot is why we can't go out on normal date. Then I replied cos he want to be the one buying. Even when he brought me out, he also want to spend. He spend about 300 plus the first time we went out.

Second tot, not sure how lah. Then I replied he never invest time and energy on anything that it is not worthwhile. In his mind, the deal is already done. That's why he wants us to slow down. And now he even directing me to him being a "boyfriend". I think he already had a plan on me, of which, I am not sure.

(May 20 - we are not going out as we are not a couple on a normal committed relationship. We are just mature companion for each other that will end when the times comes..Father, I am sad when I wrote this...., suddenly tears came in.)


Apr 2 Eve
Father, I have improved on my public speaking. Paradoxically the opportunity for public speaking all comes from Isha through sathsang and intro talk. The current group of meditators are comfortable for me to talk. Today I even answer a few question. I also managed to tell M that the playing the whole intro dvd is boring. I soften it by saying that not everyone is in love with Sadhguru, like him. He concur.

On my Top 5, transformation. I guess I inadvertently helped in transformations via doing pre-intro. I led them to do meditation.

Had tots of Z. At first was negative and I ignored. And then it turns to positive to hook. I admit its not easy to turn down.
Of cos also had some tots of running. But I remember he said that if I run, I need to inform.